


Is Your Sperm Radioactive or Something? What the Hell?

by Helloiamsilver



Series: Adam's a Baby Daddy [3]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Artificial Insemination, Crack, Humor, M/M, Other, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-02
Updated: 2011-09-02
Packaged: 2017-10-23 09:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/248572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helloiamsilver/pseuds/Helloiamsilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam learns that the baby problem has multiplied</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is Your Sperm Radioactive or Something? What the Hell?

Adam managed to go a few precious weeks without any unexpected and/or baby related surprises. Of course this could only go on for so long. After those few weeks, Julie called, apparently after receiving her first ultrasound.  
"Dude what is UP with your mutant sperm!"  
"My mutant sperm!?" Adam asked. Sauli looked up from the newspaper, concerned.  
"Not only did it manage to stay potent for ten years, it also managed to knock me up twice!!"  
"Huh?"  
"TWINS!" she clarified. "Twins Adam! I am pregnant with TWINS!"  
"Twins?" his voice broke on the word.  
Sauli's face grew terrified.  
"Yes, I got one boy and one girl in the tank. So it was clearly your freak sperm that knocked me up twice and not me that split an egg!"  
"But you said you wanted kids!"  
"I said I wanted A kid, I didn't say two!!"  
"Well, what do we do?"  
"I raise twins? What the fuck do you THINK we do? You take one and I take one!? God...I hope these kids get my logic..."  
"Well then maybe you shouldn't have stolen my sperm in the first place!"  
"I didn't steal it! I FOUND it! And don't worry, you've still got enough genetic prowess that it was worth it,"  
"Well, I guess now you gotta buy two cribs?"  
And now you, sir, have TWO children coming into the world!"  
"Oh god..." Adam moaned. Julie huffed.  
"I'll call you if there are any more updates," she said before hanging up.  
"Adam...What is going on?" Sauli asked slowly.  
"Twins...I'm going to be father to twins," Adam stared into blankness. Sauli gaped at him for about 10 minutes.  
"Adam..." he shook his head back and forth, "Why is it that it is always YOU that gets into these situations?" Adam just curled up into Sauli's body.  
"Believe me, I'd like to know that too," he muttered just before fainting.  
\--  
After waking up from his VERY BRIEF fainting spell, Sauli informed Adam that Julie was coming over with the ultrasound pictures.  
"Why?" Adam asked as Sauli, unnecessarily made him lie on the couch with a cloth on his forehead.  
"Don't you want to see your future children?"  
"Uh, I guess?"  
"I also feel that I should probably meet with the future mother of my boyfriend's children," Sauli added.  
"Are you gonna slap her in the face too?"  
"I would not hit a pregnant woman,"  
Adam glared at him, "And besides..." Sauli went on, "We need to figure out what exactly we are going to DO about this situation. Like are you going to visit the kid-KIDS?" he corrected himself, "Will she tell them who the father even is? You know, all the stuff you've been too busy avoiding and being a drama queen to talk about," He shot Adam a knowing look. Adam shrunk back, sheepish, "We need to find all this out," Adam sighed and tried to get up, but Sauli pushed him back down onto the couch.  
"I know..."  
"Do you WANT to visit them?" Adam's face screwed up as he thought.  
"I don't know...Maybe? I mean, they ARE my babies. I want to know what they're like," Sauli smiled softy.  
"If they are anything like you, they'll be fantastic,"  
"Awww, you're so sweet..." Adam leaned up to get a kiss but at that moment the doorbell rang and Sauli leaped up to answer it, leaving Adam with his lips puckered.  
"Sauli! Hi! How’s it going?” Julie asked as she bustled inside and plopped down in an armchair.  
“Um, it goes. How are you?”  
“Pregnant as fuck. Do you have any ham?” She asked, looking as serious as anything. Sauli looked taken aback a moment.  
“I…do not know. I’ll go check,” He walked away to explore the kitchen, leaving Julie and Adam alone.  
“So…How is it in the life of Adam Lambert?” Adam didn’t even look up at her from the couch where he was lying. He just took a deep breath and continued staring at the ceiling  
“Confusing,”  
“Is that my fault?” He glanced over at her, incredulous.  
“Ya think?” His voice went comically high as he sat up, “You’re having my children!! Without my participation or consent! What the fuck am I supposed to do in this situation!?” The impact of his words was lost a little when he jumped as the cloth fell off his forehead.  
“Well, I told you I don’t expect anything from you. What do YOU want to do in this situation?” Julie asked in reply. That threw him for a second. It was almost the same thing Sauli had asked.  
“Uh…I…”  
“I found ham!” Sauli announced as he poked his head back into the room.  
“Oh, thank god!” Julie grabbed the plate from Sauli’s hands and began happily munching  
“So…Ultrasound pictures?” Sauli prompted. Julie quickly swallowed her mouthful of ham.  
“Oh, right!” She fished around in her purse for a while before pulling out a packet of pictures, “Here you are! The lovely Eli and Orchid!” She handed the images to the men with a flourish before eagerly going back to her plate.  
Adam and Sauli snuggled close as they looked over the ultrasounds. Adam couldn’t really control the soft look of rapture that came over his face.  
“Wow…they’re babies…”  
“YOUR babies,” Sauli corrected, putting an arm around Adam.  
“My babies…” He repeated, “They’re so cute. Kinda creepy looking but they’re SO cute,”  
“Aw, you are totally lost to them aren’t you?” Sauli asked.  
“Uh-huh.,” Adam murmured. As twisted as their creation was, Adam knew there was no way he could just ignore these little people.  
“Yeah, they’re pretty loveable looking,” Both men jumped as Julie appeared behind them, “My mother cried at the ultrasound,”  
“Does she know who the father is?” Adam asked.  
“Nah…I didn’t wanna have any more allegations against my sanity,” She answered. Adam desperately wanted to add that those allegations were completely and entirely TRUE, but he held his tongue.  
Julie reached over the couch, carefully holding her belly, and pointed to the pictures.  
“That ones Eli…” she gestured to the baby on the right, “And that’s Orchid!” the baby on the left. Sauli smirked.  
“I think Eli takes after you, Adam,” He gestured towards a picture where you could clearly see the baby boy’s…gender. Adam chuckled.  
“And both of them are right in here,” Julie pointed to her stomach. Adam put his hand on her belly for a moment, “So…” She began, “Are you of the mindset that you DO want to be a part of these children’s lives or..?” Adam looked back at the pictures then at Julie’s belly, then at Sauli who nodded.  
“ I want to know them,” Adam said, determined. Julie grinned.  
“I never said you had to…”  
“I WANT to,” Adam saw Sauli smile softly.  
“And Sauli?” Julie turned to the blond man, “Are you pissed at me?”  
“Not really. If Adam wants to know them, then I am ok with it,”  
“Thanks babe,” Adam gave Sauli a dopey smile.  
Julie took a glance down at her watch.  
“Well, if that’s all decided then it’s time for me to go,” She began to gather up her things.  
“Wait! What about the pictures?” Sauli asked.  
“Right!” She leaned down and snatched up the pictures. However, she just as quickly rushed back into the room and tossed one of them back at the boys.  
“You can have that one!” She then grabbed the plate of ham and darted out the door. Adam and Sauli looked at the picture and both laughed. It was the one Sauli had pointed out. Adam pulled out his cell phone again.  
“Hey Lane..? Yeah it’s twins..”  
Even Sauli could hear Lane snort her drink over the phone.


End file.
